I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
