There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I love you.
Bad choice
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
