hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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