Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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