on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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