I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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