At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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