Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
