Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
