Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
