Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
