I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Damn victory sex feels great
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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