We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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