the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I love having hate sex.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
