I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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