I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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