I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
you never un-have a 4some
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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