How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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