***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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