Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
