remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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