Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
