We're like a lot better than the average bears
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Randomize
