Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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