I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
