man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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