I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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