I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
