Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
