you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
