Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
"it" just moved
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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