I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
