My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
