im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
