The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
