it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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