dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
