There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
