i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
