Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
