We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
