HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
