do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Threesome in a minivan. New low
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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