You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
how drunk are you?
Several
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
