You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
