Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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