Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
