At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
