I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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