I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
