Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
