yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
