dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
