And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
