i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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