i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
