On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
