no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
you never un-have a 4some
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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