It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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