You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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