time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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