i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
