Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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