Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
