I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
